With one side of hearing left, I was still the rowdy person who, albeit still reserved and quiet, loved hanging with the big group. I loved the company, the mindless chatters and everything in between.
I tried to be part of whatever that needed my attention. And gave the best I could. Being myself is hard to do given my nature but I was at the stage where I just wanted to have a new beginning at socializng. However, that phase abruptly changed in 2 years, when my other hearing deteriorated.
Initially, my hearing aid worked wonders. But it was short-lived and I had to endure sitting through conversations and jokes without understanding them. I hate to make people repeat and I could feel the awkward vibes and discomfort from others. That’s when I started making assumptions based on others’ body language. I know it’s not a good thing to do but with my already reserved nature, it also took a toll on my self-esteem and confidence hence, the negative thoughts. I was at my lowest.
I felt all kinds of emotions.
My hearing loss turned me into a more reserved person and conversations with people always seemed forced. I always felt I couldn’t do enough because my abilities are limited. Almost all things needed to utilise my hearing for them to be done. A lot of things don’t come with written instructions. My family had to adjust to my changes; and even they, had a hard time doing that.
I have always been an oddball but the moment I wanted to change that, I became weirder. Maybe I will remain an oddity but it’s not a bad thing if it lets me be myself; whether people like it or not. I am who I am; through phases and transformation. 💪🏼