A rainbow, the beauty that comes after a storm and a symbol of hope, is a description women lovingly use for their babies that are born after a miscarriage, still birth, or infant loss.
For women who have experienced a loss, conceiving a “rainbow baby” doesn’t make them forget the loss, take it away or diminish it, but it does give them hope for a new chance at motherhood.
The quote above was found on the internet and that was what I held on to dearly while trying for a baby back then – my last ounce of hope of having my own biological child. 10 years later, I finally embraced my rainbow baby after 2 miscarriages. The journey was not easy and finding solutions to the topic on miscarriage was even tougher.
It all started way back in 2004 when I first got married, with thoughts of starting my own business first before we tried for a child. 5 years later, we have seen a few gynaecologists for advice. We took medication and went on holiday trips, but nothing happened. We eventually embarked on the IUI journey and after the first failed attempt, started on the IVF journey. The fertility treatments affected us emotionally, physically and financially as they did not come cheap.
I conceived on the first IVF treatment, but our joy was short-lived when my water bag broke during my second trimester. I was rushed to A&E.
2 days later, I had an infection and was forced to deliver my first angel baby – Dominic Low, at 23 weeks of gestation. Born too premature, his lungs were under developed and passed away shortly.
Looking back, I wondered what went wrong. Were there any signs or symptoms that I overlooked? That was my first encounter with miscarriage and it was a terrible, raw and unchartered territory.
There were days that you just stared and dazed around, you seems to float along as time passed. Then there were days you felt competent enough to even work, strike a conversation as if nothing happened. All of sudden, you might just regress back and fall into your own misery pit again. You just drift around and changed from day to day.
It was during this time that I wrote my first book – To Baby With Love as well. Writing is a healing process if you like to write, even it means a paragraph or two or just a poem. As long as you put your thoughts into it and pen down something. It also helps to release some of your emotions and sadness. Most importantly, it is a free tool that you can write anytime and anywhere, especially at times when you have no one to confide to. For me, I took it further by kick-starting a 3 months project to complete and release my book in February 2012 – the estimated delivery date (EDD) of my angel baby. With that in mind, I kept my focus and worked through it.
It was not an easy journey but I knew I could not stay in this pit I was stuck in. Step by step, I encouraged myself and marched forward in life. That was how I helped myself to self heal, think positively and be a conqueror in life.
To know more about my journey of my emotional ups and downs, buy the hard copy book online