The Taste of Food Freedom

I want to share a little story with you about food freedom. About how I went from inhaling muffins in the solitude of a public toilet to eating a muffin on a plate at a table like a regular person.

I want to share my triumphs over the past and show you what Food Freedom looks like for me.

Today…
I used a voucher that has been sitting in my purse for weeks. It was a voucher for a free muffin from Muffin Break. This voucher has been sitting in my purse and I kept forgetting to use it. Today I used it.

THE TRIUMPH OVER THE PAST?
….Forgetting to use the voucher. I no longer obsess about muffins, or food for that matter, so that voucher just sat there until today when I finally remembered to use it.

Today…
I claimed my free muffin.

THE TRIUMPH OVER THE PAST?
I allow myself to eat the foods I enjoy and I eat them GUILT FREE.

Today…
The muffin was placed in a brown paper bag that says in large letters: “MUFFIN BREAK” and I took that muffin back to my office.

THE TRIUMPH OVER THE PAST?
No shame in carrying that brown paper bag labeled “MUFFIN BREAK”

Today….
When I got to my office the muffin was still in tact. I hadn’t nibbled on it during the walk back.

THE TRIUMPH OVER THE PAST?
Zero self-control or resistance was required to keep that muffin in tact.

Today…
I then proceeded to eat my lunch.

TRIUMPH OVER THE PAST?
I ate my lunch for lunch, not the muffin for lunch.

Today…
After lunch I felt like something sweet, so I made myself a coffee, placed my muffin on a plate and sat down at my desk to enjoy my coffee and muffin.

TRIUMPH OVER THE PAST?
I sat at a table with a coffee and had my muffin on a plate.

I recall back in 2002 when I was clean eating / healthy eating / being good / being controlled / watching what I ate – (all of which is dieting btw) I FINALLY bought a muffin after obsessing about them for weeks on end. It was “cheat day” and I was “allowed”

The muffin was put in a brown paper bag that read “MUFFIN BREAK.” For the way I felt it was like a giant red and yellow flashing bag which illuminated SHAME, SHAME, SHAME!!!

I was so ashamed to be holding such an item that I couldn’t walk through the plaza holding it. I was also SO desperate to eat that damn muffin that I couldn’t wait to get home and eat it, like a normal person would, casually and calmly with a cup of coffee.

Instead, I took the muffin into the public toilets, I shut the door, lowered the toilet seat lid, sat down and inhaled that muffin in 3.5 seconds.

I didn’t even taste it.

What I did taste though was the familiar feeling of guilt… and shame. Oh, the shame!

The shame of giving in to my weakness.

The shame of losing control once again.

The shame of eating something “bad” and breaking my diet.

The shame of hiding… in a public toilet and stuffing my face.

The shame that one muffin didn’t satisfy and given the chance I could have eaten five more like it.

The shame of feeling so controlled by food.

Guilt, shame, guilt, shame. This left me powerless and eroded my sense of self and consequently my self-esteem.

THE TRIUMPH OVER THE PAST?

Today…
I sat with my muffin, casually and calmly, like a normal person. I sat at a table, muffin on a plate and I ate it slowly. I tasted every aspect of the muffin. It was soft and spongy. The outer edges were a little crunchy. The muffin was light in my mouth and sweet to taste. It was delectable.

I ate until I felt satisfied.

THE TRIUMPH OVER THE PAST?
I ate half a muffin and I left the other half.

Today….
I put the leftovers back in the brown paper bag and told myself, “I can have that other half whenever I want it. I can have it ten minutes from now, half an hour from now, later this afternoon, or tonight for something sweet after dinner. And if I don’t want it today, I can have it tomorrow, maybe as part of my breakfast or for morning tea, or whenever the fuck I feel like it.”

THE TRIUMPH OVER THE PAST?

FOOD FREEDOM!!!!

Later that day….
I taught an RPM class.

THE TRIUMPH OVER THE PAST?
I exercised for the joy of teaching a class and for the joy of moving my body, NOT for penance or punishment for what I ate earlier that day.

Later that night…
I ate dinner.

TRIUMPH OVER THE PAST?
I didn’t skip dinner to “make up” for or punish myself for what I had eaten that day.

Later that night….
When I went to bed I went to bed full, happy and satisfied. I was no longer thinking about the muffin. I had moved on. I also wasn’t thinking about how I would make up for it tomorrow.

THE MORAL OF THE STORY?

Fourteen years ago I could have only dreamt of being the kind of person I am today around food.

I just don’t know where to begin to tell you how different this is for me! I’ve gone from hiding in a public toilet inhaling a muffin whilst riddled so full of guilt and shame that I didn’t even get to taste, let alone enjoy the damn food, to being able to sit and savour every mouthful. I even have leftovers!!!!

Today, food is no longer “good” or “bad.” Food is just FOOD. I am able to incorporate ALL foods to be a part of a healthy diet.

I no longer need to use control, willpower or discipline to keep me in check. These days my body tells me what I need and when I’ve had enough and I can trust this natural process.

For me, this is FOOD FREEDOM.

It’s also happiness.

And peace.

If you have your own version of feeling out of control with food and would like support to be free of guilt and shame, then contact me now to book an appointment.

 

 

April 29th, 2017|A Story For Her|0 Comments
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